One Year

2019 New York City, Brooklyn Bridge

Dear Ryan Deng, aka pig Deng. This time last year, we were hanging out and taking pictures in New York City’s Times Square, we then went to Hard Rock Cafe for lunch. Remember when you were still stressing out about your transfer applications and telling me about Yves at Starbucks? Well, guess what? You are currently a high-flyer at USC, and for that, I am so proud of you baby! I found a few pictures of us this time last year, and I thought to myself, is this the same Ryan Deng or could you possibly be a replica of him? I mean damn, you really were quite slim back then, I don’t know what happened? (I guess that is just the kind of impact I have on people) I should be doing my essay plan and finishing up some of my readings right now. But instead, I thought to myself, there are more important things in life than essay plans, school work, and readings, like family and love for example. So I chose to prioritise my time to writing this letter to you. I find it hard to put into words how much you mean to me, and I know as cliche, and as overused the saying goes, I really do mean it. You were honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me since 2019, and although I will admit that my time abroad was bomb and still to this day, feels quite unreal to me, I cherish all the great and fun memories I had with the new people I met during my time abroad; but meeting you and having your presence around me has made it 1000 times better than to begin with. God, the universe and my ancestors really have my back from day 1. I am always a huge believer that when two partners get together, its partnership, not ownership, and before I had met you, I always settled for less, believing that what I had was already good enough and I should not have asked for more. I settled for shitty men and friend’s who didn’t treat me with love and respect until I met you, I realize that abusive and toxic relationships were unhealthy, and that I deserved so much better. You are a living proof that good men do exists, you understood how to respect my boundaries and gave me just the right amount of space when I needed, and would always forgive me for all the crazy shit I put you through and my constant rants and bitching, and for that, I am beyond grateful, and I really do mean it. I am fully aware that I need to work on a lot of things in my life, so I wish we can be the kind of couple that motivates each other to become better each day. Gratitude is a practice I live by.
I wish I can write you a charming poem, unfortunately I have to break it to you that I am not Shakespeare *sad face. However, I will attempt to write a song for you when I am done with all my deadlines, and when I say song, I mean rap. In the meantime, please take great care of yourself, happy one year anniversary and I love you now and forever. Amen.

Love,
Whale Ngai

2019 Toronto

Love,

Whale Ngai x

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